V-Day HeyDay!

It's February, the month of love, lover's delight moments, cities are literally painted bright red because most people wear red, gifts are better in red, decorations should be red, too. Only in latter years did I encounter a myriad of lively colors apart from red. On one occasion as popularized by a shampoo, black was in fashion for this occasion. It's just a day in a year that sends a sensual kind of excitement & adventure to both young & old; as it evokes a promise of wild fantasies coming to life, wishes of a variety of "love" themes celebrated,a day & mostly night affair obviously reveled for the 'ton' to see. Not only are the 5 Star restaurants to the No Star are filled up, Drive-ins have been booked in advance,too. Fast food & Drive thru's not just in malls enjoy their fair share of merriment of the V-Day contagion. I went thru my friendster, facebook, multiply, email lists & knew who of my friends will mark this occasion as important, important but not necessary, important but too busy, have to prepare & so forth, ahahahhahahahaha, forgot the grid's name so had to enumerate instead.It's just sad that not everyone will get a piece of the action of the V-Day glamour. Didn't really gave a lot of thought to where we will celebrate Valentine's, only, this young man whom I met in one of the bazaars I joined several years back gave me this idea on what to write on my page.

Another day in the Life of Penny, February 2009 entry:

That was the year I decided to start up on a small earnventure. My sisters & I met a lot of interesting friends & villains that time. One of them is a robust & happy guy, who was also soooooooooo in love. We were celebrating Christmas Season & he is already thinking of Valentine's. As we got to know him, we learned that joining the bazaar was not his brilliant idea. Apparently, among his siblings (all male) he was the only one without a stable job. So, his mother lent him a few bucks & also supervised the preparation & cooking of all the food he exhibited every week. His stall has the most hirelings; from them we gleaned that his mother encouraged him to move his butt off the couch, to try anything he sets his mind into to help him refrain from getting drunk & avoid being branded a worthless bum at 25. He was a lucky fellow. He had lots of help from his friends who supplied him with desserts & local delicacies, all of them gave him the best & lowest price for their goods. He was is one person who is overly friendly with the ladies to the extent that he related his life story to this particular attractive girl, who's a rumormonger,known to all as the "queen of gossip". From her I gathered that he told her the reason he did all these was because he loves his girlfriend very much & he wants to let her know that he is "good at something". Sound enough reason isn't it? What's not letting well with me were a number of puzzling observations about his real relationship with his so-called girlfriend. His commitment to succeed was also in
question. Starting off on your own, being seen three (3) out of eight (8) days during the bazaar is bizarre. His excuse, he slept late because he had to wait for his girlfriend to get off work.Unknown to him we were already told that that night he also went out on a drinking spree with his friends, till the wee hours of morning.We finally got to meet the girl that month, he introduced her as his friend. I would have slapped him there & then saying that on my face & I were his girl (I'm not that brutal, just feel like pouncing him that time). Peculiar thing is normally girlfriends would raise an eyebrow & huff & puff not being introduced as the girlfriend. This girl NR - NO Reaction. She went straight to my stall & started choosing her gift packs. We all noticed that he was uneasy & very vigilant at the girl's every move. In the course of our event when he is around he & my male cousins would talk about their girlfriends as he checks out every attractive females in church. My cousin always tells me that it's amazing how he notices all those women, when he is facing the entrance most of the time instead of him. He opens his stall later than usual & was the first to leave at at night. If he aims to be a magnate he will not come close to being a tycoon associate. We spoke to him of our interest to make him one of our suppliers, not once but thrice did he fail to live up to his commitment. Disappointment, turned to disgust when he told me that he was trying to do well in his job, one he found few months after the exhibits & patching up with his girl. Okay he knows what prioritizing means in a sense. In between my sisters closer to his age told me that he beleaguers them with "cupid questions". Such as "How do you know if she really loves you? Will you go out w/me for a drink so I can talk to you about my relationship? I'm sad because she won't talk to me, what did I do wrong? Should I call her?" Give me a break please! After letting me in on this revelation my sister totally ignored his messages. That's when I started receiving his messages & asking me if my sister changed her number. He also asked if he can come by to say "Hi". Thinking nothing about it, casually told him he is welcome
here anytime. We even invited him in goodwill to some of our parties. No Show.

I should have filtered my mass messages when I sent my "How are You" greetings. HE
took that as an opportunity to let me know that he's sad. Out of curiosity, though I
already have an idea I asked why. He said that they broke up last month (December
2008). I wanted to say that's good, move on, but, restrained myself & replied that life has it's up's & down's, so sad to know about what happened (Liar!). Nothing else happened after. Two nights ago, to my surprise he showed up on our doorsteps. He looked nowhere near that dashing fellow we met several years past. Looked more like an elderly drunk skelly in fact. I was too scared to let him in, so I made up an excuse. Even my mom didn't want to let him in. I think my mother saw his sunken, sharp red eyes & had to forgo with being hospitable this one time. Unfortunately, that did not stop him from narrating his heart-breaking story.

Read on: He said their break up was triggered by a "boy's nite out party" where he was a reluctant rejoinder (ironic isn't it). He went along with his friends to avoid any misunderstanding, to preserve their friendship & relive old times. At the party their group saw this girl, whom they all want to meet. He said no one had the courage to come up to this female, so he was tasked to befriend her & introduce her
to the group. He refused at first & told them that his girl will be furious once she
learns he is instrumental in bringing in a girl to an all male group. He said they were deaf to his protests & finally did what he was told. One of the guys in that party with was a neighbor, who he later revealed was a disco fanatic, a ravager of women & one who uses "date drugs" on an unknowing victim (Yikes! Info given to bad young girls who loves to sneak out at night). A week after the party his girlfriend tried to wheedle information about the party by relaying a rumor she heard about the girl. He was astounded at how detailed she described the events. He was more flabbergasted the same day when he saw that neighbor(one he suspected who betrayed the brotherhood) picking up his girlfriend from work. Strange thing is he denied what happened at the party, because all the boys agreed that whatever transpired at the party will be their little secret. I'll give him credit for that,honouring the packs agreement. What's not right is allowing his girlfriend to take a ride with that neighbor, even if he is hurting to the high heavens. Literally ignored & was told by his girl when he confronted her "Why don't you ask him why he comes to give me a ride from work? Hmmmmm, if they were in a serious relationship then shouldn't
this girl be pacifying him instead of pushing him away, as well as laying the ground rules of loyalty in their relationship? I recalled him telling me that this man works in Subic Bay. He considers this odd & mind boggling. Is it odd because the
guy beats him to picking up his girlfriend. Or because he can't accept the fact that he moved mountains from Subic to Makati to show up on time? He tried all his might to warn, re warn & short of creating huge protest queue cards to let the girl know how vile this man's plans are for her. Things got even more complicated after they broke up, as he was accused of stalking the girl. Which is right on the money! Obviously, she would think he is harassing her as he dogs her too much, after breaking up. I told him that his purpose is noble, because all he wants to do is protect her & let her know how vicious this man is, told him that he has done his part well. He is just creating a bigger rift between them by looking out for her like a thief in the night. I realized then what's really eating him. He shyly told me that he is this girl's first boyfriend, first kiss & first lover. He asked me "I
was the first, does that not mean anything to her at all?" Obviously NO! Because the girl was the first who moved away & asked him for space. And when a woman asks
for space it's a sure sign of a falling out. He also added that they did not just did it once.Of course, silly, I was not born yesterday to not know how often it calls to the young & the restless. In fairness I was not a meany that night. Just told him point blank: "Women who fall out of love do not cry over lost virginity, you being her first does not mean that she can't move on with her life." (He may not be that great in bed, maybe that's why she wants space & wants to move on to wilder pastures)

He does not want to give up on her or rather not give up on her being his.He asked
me ; "What's wrong with me warning her about that man,he is going to make he a sex
machine, I care for her, I just want to talk to her again, she lied about her mom asking her to avoid me, why did she lie, what did I do wrong?" He added: "It will make me feel better if I can talk to her mom, about what happened between us. Do you think I should talk to her mom?" I told him again that you've done a lot already to show her you care & because of that your concern is misconstrued as a nuisance. I don't know why she lied to you, I cannot speak for her. Will it make a difference if you talk to her mom & let her know about your sexual misadventures I mean overtures?" 9How d hell does he know that he will use her as a sex machine, did he?) I can see that his mind is already made up. "I just want this chip off my shoulders, I will tell her all that's what happened to us & I will let go." Her mom likes me. She did not ask her to avoid me, I asked her mom personally. What if we get back together should I accept her?" Por Bida Hijo your so callous! I asked him a question in retort. Will you be willing to live with that fact that she lied to you? If she has already slept with this guy will you live with the memory of her being touched by another man? Will her mom liking you make her love you back? No response. I had to go in because by then my bladder was so full, so I made my grand exit by telling him that he has to go home, because it's getting late & that I will close shop soon. Politely told him to keep me posted on how he is every now & then.

Believe me his story, our conversation was longer than this. With the amount of
information I got from him & our memories of this young man I will be on my way to
making a telenovela, albeit not an original one but informative & eye opening for sure. I couldn't forget this encounter. It brought back all those things we knew about him & I can't help but wonder if he is not different from that guy he warned this girl about. Thought of the possible reasons why the girl gave him up, why when he is rich, dashing & he belongs to a respectable family; He is also one who indulges in drink, loves to party & he has not come close to his plans of being a mogul of riches since last he told us about it. It's sad to know that he is broken- hearted as Valentine's Day approaches. His Love story is one of those tragic sagas of love & life. One revelers during V-day would not like to hear. One thing is for sure he now belongs to the "Lonely Hearts & Empty Beds Club" come Valentine's. I would love to have to give him more insights but opted to keep my opinions to myself, because with him hurting that much even if he sought my advice I told him that the choice is still his. Once he makes up his mind he better not regret his actions, all he has to do is accept the consequences. Whoa! This is a lengthy entry. Till my next chikadventures.

Compassion

How do you deal with a loss in the family? Loss so sudden, breathing one moment & lifeless in another second. It must've been very painful & numbing. Especially when you blame yourself for their demise. Or started blaming someone else or the circumstances. My sister and I went to a wake of our friend's father yesterday. And when we arrived only my friend's sister was there. While waiting for her to arrive we asked what happened. My friend's sister started crying & said that she blamed herself for her father's death. She regretted that she & her other siblings argued over hospital bills & that they can't afford to prolong their father's hospital stay. It's as if she caused his death, she blurted sobbing. Still, they decided to take him out of the hospital because their bill was getting extorbitant. As they left, the attending physician did not instruct them on aything else, just told them that there is no assurance. On what? At home they all tried their best to take care of their dad. They even bought three (3) tanks of oxygen to help him breath with ease. Unaware that the oxygen tanks will last for four hours only instead of eight & one was empty discovered only while trying to replace their dad's oxygen. I don't know but should the children have been actively inquisitive on how to take care of their father or the doctor should have not been incompetently negligently because she failed to guide the patient's family on what to do? Where pray tell did they buy that oxygen tank? To be given one tank less & to be used by a patient in critical condition no less is really telling of an evil deed. Their dad had pneumonia & breathing would have been difficult, so that oxygen would have been vital in his survival. At 79 years old he will need all the medical assistance he can get. She also told us that their dad insisted on going home because he wants to be near his wife, who recently had a stroke. Plus, he has been feeling great pain, while he was given his medications. My sister was hospitalized with the same condition last week & when we were at the hospital, she experienced the same pain when she was given the anti-biotics intravenously. She was crying as that liquid was cruising through her veins. If we had not told the nurse & asked them to do something, my sister's BP would have shot up & she could have suffered a far worse fate. How painful could it have been for a man his age? Our friends added that their father does not complain of any pain at all, but, as he gets medicated he screams in agony. At home, they try to ask him what & how he feels, but I guess since the oxyen is not helping him much he could not even speak to them about it. My friend finally arrived & she continued by saying that the day he expired, everyone panicked because when they had to test for air from his nostrils none came out. They called an ambulance but it came too late. Everything was too late. The siblings who were there started blaming each other, his death caused a rift & more pain with all the blames that day. What can I say? What can you say? No one really prepares you for any of this. It might not be my father but I can feel the pain that my sister's friend felt. To blame yourself & to put the weight of his death on your shoulders is tormenting. The details & the other curcumstances seemed irrelevant because in her heart she is to blame. The only thing I did that time is to give her a hug. After a while, I just told them that maybe it's God's way of telling you that it's his time. Maybe this is the way that it should happen. As I said that she told me that, since their mom is still with them, they will not scrimp on money. While she is still alive they will give their all & not think of the cost. Moving on is what they have been telling us, that day, but I don't think it will be that easy. It's good that they have the courage to voice out their fears & what they plan to do. And the only thing friends like us can do is be at their side at this moment, in prayer & every now & then offer words of encouragement. Even with all the encouragement it will still be up to them which direction they would move to next. What I realized is whatever actions we do, most of the time affects other people around us. It's a daunting task to do good all the time, but, would it really hurt us, to do so? Nobody is to blame for what happened. What is necessary is to be observant & try to care for people around you. I may be saying this, but honestly it's difficult to care for people nowadays, since most do not care anyway. So,maybe just a bit of compassion shown at their time of need will go a long way. Don't you think so?

Polibusocial

When I thought about starting on my own I didn't think about the complicated world of politics, the competitive business arena & the crowd I would bow to daily (heheheheheh as if I do that) Monday of this week, my sisters & I went to our Municipal Hall. They were renewing their NBI clearances & I have to renew my business permit. Getting to renew & acquiring a new permit is not as frustrating anymore. Because the day I came to the Business Permit & Licensing Office there was a great turnout. I'm not referring to the applicants & business owners but a great turnout of staff from the BPLO office. The demeanor has improved, too. Instead of being shoved around & being shown a finger pointing you to the next step, now you get a SMILE every now & then. Not all will give you that drop dead gorgeous smile,(if you can call it that) but some of them do try to. Their department head even at this point I can say, is haplessly hopeless in this category of a Smile away. His is more of No smile so you can't stay in his presence longer than needed. Although, he gets to talk to a chosen few & I guess if he does not know you, like in my case, you will still get a glance, a sharp not so friendly glance as he signs your documents. Then thankfully someone helpful tells you where to stand next & you will still get lost even in that small space. Because even if they tell you number 6step, while you are there you will have to really ask them where to next.You will look like a fool at first.Why? Because even if you are at your destination, you feel alienated until you get to the right person who will accomodate you. Once they notice you, they make you sit unwelcomingly. Then they will insist that they do not believe that you only earned this much the previous year, even to the point of you letting them know that you started the middle of the year. Oh no they tell you straight "No, we don't believe you, we know for sure that stores like you earn this much." And they assess & write the monetary figure as they know should be your due. Which in my case is not like all the others they know. Anyway, as I finished in this section & paid off what was needed, I was asked to get another document. While I was at it I got acquainted with a fellow store owner. She asked me how much I paid & when did I start my store. When I told her she said that she requested the staff who interviewed her to assess a lower amount for her store. She also told me that she should have transacted with the inspectors, whom she confessed she gives P500 everytime they visit her store. This woman continued to tell me that securing a permit is not necessary at all, in fact she said the inspectors told her, she shouldn't have declared that she has this store in the first place. What does that imply? ? ? Those revelations coming from a woman, a store owner at that approx 20 years my senior, who encourages corruption by bribing inspectors, is not my style. While I on the other hand was told by an inspector to register & pay. But as I was going through what I have experienced it also crossed my mind that if I would have done what she did then I would have to pay less, and even give myself a pat in the back for a wise move by having an inside connection. Alas, I am not her. When I came home, all the things I saw & heard were reviewed. In the end I feel much better that I did what I have to do & didn't have to deal with a guilty conscience. Owning a business albeit a small one still requires responsibility. It does not necessarily mean that if it's a small sari-sari store, you don't have that dignity to deal with your customers & suppliers & be a good taxpayer. That dignity & respect is in fact what they should admire you for. Or is it? I face people everyday & I have my family's reputation to uphold. What I know is, I may not be as popular & as well accomodated as the others I saw in that office, and I may not be as cunning as that storeowner who managed to cut her dues in half; One thing for sure is this taxpayer earns through honest means & does not compromise on the quality of goods & services that she provides to her customers just because she has financial obligations to the goverment. The market has shrunk because there are many, many newly established businesses wanting to take a piece of the pie. I will just have to be creative & earn the best way I know. I guess if I want to survive in this polibusocial society is to learn from the best, do your best & give the best service you can provide. The way I see it, money is not everything in that office, power is. As long as they have the power to issue you a permit & to shut you down if you don't own up & pay up, they know you will be powerless to not shoulder your dues. BTW, if you get the chance to visit them, look at the slogans they have. Something like "taxpayer as important. . ." For some it would be BS for others you could say their getting to that commitment, because at least a few staffs are trying but not at their best try.

SMILEY

I almost forgot to share this event. Last year December 01, 2008 to be exact, before we close shop, we all noticed that there were many people just outside our gates. To be more precise they were all in the middle of the street gazing skywards & taking lots of pictures. To my amazement they were all looking up at rare sight of the moon in a SMILEY shape with two stars on top of that looking like it's eyes. I'm not a pro in taking pics but this amateur shots will give you an idea of how magical & elated we all feel given this once in a blue moon spectacle.

All Rise (some are excerpts from Our Daily Bread)

I can’t remember how I started reading “Our Daily Bread”. There’s also a Filipino version, but I stuck to the original edition. It’s been a habit now; I get one and read my daily dose of inspiration from it. However, I have been remiss lately, because of the numerous endeavours that I partake in. Today, I was able to keep up and I noticed that I dog-eared some pages. Flipping through them, there were stories that reminded me about our limitations as humans such as the story of Sue Kehr, who was a successful nurse, but now she only, makes and gives away delicious homemade bread. The Norwegian Immigrant Ole Evinrude, suffered scorching heat and rowing exhaustion (5 mile round trip) as it also it tested the limits of his human power when he had to row back and forth the Wisconsin Lake, just to oblige his fiancée Bess’ craving for Ice Cream. He returned I bet with a dripping ice cream shake. Dana and Rich for had an ordinary afternoon bike ride; with the thought that this activity would refresh them when they go back home. They did not go straight home; they ended up in a hospital, because Rich lost control of his bike and he rolled down a hill. The Tsunami that struck the western shores of Sri Lanka was devastating and painfully vivid to all who witnessed it. Till now many still shed tears as they relive & remember loved ones who perished in its wake.

What is amazing is when we read and reflect we can envision how through these shortcomings, hope and resilience flourish. Sue Kehr did not intend to have that head injury, but that did not stop her from serving God’s people. She may not be able to perform as a nurse, but she rose to the occasion and amazed many at how God works in her life, by distributing her tasty treats to ministries. Ole Evintrude, tried all his might to please his fiancée, but he conceded to the fact that he cannot rely on his strength alone. There must be a better way, so he put his mind to work. A year later, he tested his lightweight motor for small boats. Like many of us, we can not rely on ourselves to solve all our woes or direct our lives as we want it to. God’s power is greater and as we deepen our relationship with him he’ll help show us a better way. Dana devotedly kept vigil at her husband’s side because he couldn’t feed himself and he couldn’t walk. One day, Rich told his wife that he doesn’t know if he will ever walk again, but he is walking closer to God. The people of Sri Lanka have moved on, the terror would not be forgotten, but Hope sways them forward to respond to life as it heals the loss & trauma that came to them.

Everyday that I read, my outlook towards life is enriched with inspiration. Reading is just one of the ways I get encouraged. Sharing experience with new and old friends add essence to a quiet day at home. I like using the phone for instance to just say hi and it results in a never-ending story telling moment (2 hours not enough, good thing our telephone line is not metered) Messaging online and thru hand phones are great, too. What is astounding is how correspondences like these give me a major high. It keeps me giggling and smiling for no reason all day. Well that is until I get a sarcastic remark or an angry reaction from anyone in my family that pops my bubble. And those rejoinders were totally uncalled for. Anyone with similar tales as I do, it’s not so bad, really. I get infuriated for a time, but moments of calm replace it afterwards. That’s when I revert to reminiscing all the good times I just had. I realize that getting annoyed only makes my wrinkles appear, my double chin to shake and my cute round face to look unglamorous.

But anyway, this is a side comment. What I want to write is life has unexpected turns and we may or may not recover from the previous splendor, but wonderful phenomenon always replace what we lost. That’s why instead of living in the past, I live my now. Its human nature to get envious, but what is not is get obsessed and wants everything even when you cannot afford to. I always believe that many things happen for a reason and that everything has it’s time and it’s season. But I never expected the difficulty when I am the one faced with this disposition. Like all those people I mentioned, I too, have undergone my own personal trauma. My family and some other close people suffered with me, too. Experiencing what they’ve gone through made me a believer. I believe that God’s hand is always open, he never sleeps, he does not judge, he knows what’s in our hearts and He carried me all the way through my struggle, just as he does all of us. Until now, my family and I still carry the burden brought by my affliction. I have members in the family who succumb to pessimism and are overly cautious trying to prevent anything similar happening, fixating on things which are out of our control by preparing for it. In moments like these, I have to accept the good with the bad and raise my troubles to God. He keeps me at peace.